Reflections in the Pool of the Year Past

With the thought of a new year brings a wonderful clean slate.  My organizing mind may venture to think of the many projects I could set my mind to tackle.  But I cannot get away from the fact that I must live day by day.

No, I haven't been given a deadline from the doctor on how much time I have left. 
I just cannot get any further than the day or perhaps week ahead of me.  Why? I'm not really sure. I only know that this is where I am and I will take it as it comes.  Maybe my perspective is all wrong, I don't know but this is how it is. 

Oh, I can think of many things that have been my "New Years Resolutions" of the past but they just can't cloud my mind.  Maybe it's because I have spent this last year living one day at a time.  The phrase, "limited life expectancy" will do a myriad of things to a person.

My! I have spent a good portion of the last year, looking into the eyes of my children, wondering how much longer I would have with them...If I would be there to see them finish school, get married or hold their first child.  I have cried tears on the shoulder of my husband more days than I would care to admit. 

What does this do to a person? 

It makes me grateful for each day that I can get up, take part in the lives of my children, serve my family in the menial tasks that some may dread.  Those words put new meaning to cooking, cleaning, schooling, laundry and the smallest thing like kissing my little boys goodnight.  

What will my children remember once I am gone?

It may be another sixty years that I walk the face of this earth but what mark will I have made in the lives of my children?  I wonder, will they remember godliness? I mean, do I follow God in a way so strongly that it impacts my children and makes them want to be like me?

I really don't believe that I do.  It's unfortunate to say, but in all truth, I believe this to be the case.  I have spent eighteen years as a Christian and I haven't progressed any further than this! All of my aspirations to become this woman that radiates godliness haven't taken me as far as I had hoped.  There is much work left to do so in reality, I should have a long list of goals and desires for this upcoming year. 

Will I still feel this way when I cross the thresh hold of 2013? I surely hope not.  

So, the question is, what am I going to do about this dilemma?   Well, take one day at a time. Focus on "the day" and what I can do this day to impact those around me for Christ.  Focus on what's important, continue to read my bible, memorize more verses and try with all that I have within me to live each day victorious....

and maybe, just maybe this year will be more Christ centered, God focused and others will be able to see a difference!  :)