A Little Drive and Memory or Two

We took a bit of some time away and enjoyed family time in Williamsburg.

My little soldiers trying on military uniforms.

Elaina and Her Daddy stopping for a quick shot in one of the houses as we toured the Jamestown Settlement.

As the Waves of the Ocean

It's so easy to stand on the beach and watch the waves roll against the sand...

how beautiful and relaxing it may be. 

But, when you stand amid the waves, trying to gain a footing, if there for hours, you may find it frustrating at the wrestling with the tide.

This is a good picture of how life has been for me for...hmmm, well ...a good long time.  I feel as if I am out there in the sea, not simply in a boat that's rocking to and fro in the midst of the storm, but rather within the waves, struggling to catch my breath, to gain a footing, to get some respite.

Uhhh, it's a very difficult battle I have been fighting, mostly within.   Each day, there is a battle that rages.  Will I give into this disease or fight? Fight! Ah yes, this is what I want to do but often, I become weary in this battle.  But, really! what other choice do I have but to struggle and fight?  You see, if I were alone on this earth, I could very well, pick a spot on the map, and live as a recluse and just give in. 

BUT, God has given me a family, a purpose on this green planet, and for that simple reason, I have to fight!  I have six children to raise up for the Lord.  I must try, ever so intently, to help them to be what God desires them to be.  I must give them the tools, practically to be a godly wife, a good parent and spiritually to be a strong Christian.  My efforts, truly are flawed but my prayer is that God will give grace and that He will make up for my many short-comings and faults.

What will this result be?  I really can't tell.  Oh, I can imagine these wonderful dreams of my girls being wonderful wives and godly mothers, my boys being strong men that will hold fast in THE faith, loving their wives with delight and valuing their relationships with their children but only God knows what the future holds.  It is up to me and what I do with THIS DAY that is before me.  To hold eternity in view, to die to self and selfish desires, to fight with all of my being, all that would threaten God's best in their lives. 

And so THIS day, I choose to fight, to face these storms with all that I am.  And when there is nothing left in me to fight, then fight some more, to be strong in the Lord and the power of HIS might.

"I Know Who Holds Tomorrow"

I don't know about tomorrow,

I just live from day to day.

I don't borrow from its sunshine

'Cause the skies might turn to grey.

I don't worry about the future,

'Cause I know what Jesus said,

And today I'll walk beside him

'Cause he's knows what lies ahead.

Many things about tomorrow

 I don't seem to understand

But I know who holds tomorrow

And I know who holds my hand.

Every step is getting brighter

As the golden stairs I climb.

Every burden is getting lighter

All the clouds are silver lined.

Over there the sun is always shining

And no tears will dim the eye

And the ending of the rainbow

Where the mountains, they touch the sky.

Many things about tomorrow

I don't seem to understand

But I know who holds tomorrow

And I know who holds my hand.

Yes I know who holds my hand.

White Coats & High Hopes

White Coats & High Hopes

So, here I sit in one of the best hospitals in the country

(and likely the world) and what is the prevailing thought? 

 "Life is so disposable."        Or better yet... It is but a vapor.

 There are hundreds of people sitting here in the waiting room to get help for whatever ails them and the first stop is blood work.  Walk up to the counter, "Hilton Building, Desk C" and you are greeted by a smiling, cheerful face.  "Wow" I think to myself.  After all, it's 8am, I'm nervous because I don't know what lies before me, I'm probably patient number 473 this morning alone and this is a welcoming stop on my journey.  Perhaps this is just a really sweet lady!

Blood work done.  Onward to my next appointment.  As we tunnel our way through the underground walkways (aka "subways") toward the main lobby, I feel like I'm entering a beautiful hotel lobby with 40 foot ceilings, marble floors, beautiful art and a pleasant grand piano filling the air with lovely music.

 "Shall we just sit here, drink in the atmosphere and lose ourselves in the music?"  Ahh, no- we didn't travel close to a thousand miles for atmosphere!  I mean it could look like a sanitarium and it wouldn't matter if they did what I needed done!

Appointment after appointment, that lady from the "Hilton Building, Desk C" must have sent her sisters to take care of me because they were ALL so sweet and lovely.  I'm not joking, even the men were pleasant.  We must be on another planet!  Are we still in America?  And "Up North" for goodness sakes!  Everybody knows that "all Northerners are rude." (At least that's what our mamas told us)

No, no, we were in the right place but they must have one of those Wal-Mart kind of morning "pep rallies" before the doors open at 6am for patients, to get everyone motivated and happy. 

                          ************

With all of that being said, I hope I have set the atmosphere quite perfectly for you.  I ended up in "The" Liver Specialist's office by Wednesday.  The bulk of tests had been done and it was time for some serious observation.  We sat and talked with him as he sorted files, read records, asked questions and made notes.  He was a pleasant man, relaxed, calculated and very knowledgeable.  After examining me, it was time for us to ask questions.  We had many fears- my doctors at UVA helped us to understand how serious my condition was, no doubt so that we would handle it seriously and follow their treatment plan.  I had Stage 3 Liver Disease.  They wanted to, "save my liver" and avoid the need for a transplant.  Along with this, we had been studying up on this disease and knew allot of the "Ins and outs" from our reading.

So, what did he say?

He did confirm that I have both PBC (Primary Biliary Cirrhosis) and AIH (Autoimmune Hepatitis). 

They have ordered the actual tissue samples from my last two biopsies and will have them looked at by Mayo.  (He didn't see the point in taking another biopsy)  He believes that with a little different approach, as far as my medicine goes, we can get to the place that we can manage these diseases and the damage they are having on my liver. There are no dietary changes that will aid in managing the effects of this disease on my liver.  I don't need to worry about a transplant: 25 years ago PBC was the leading reason for a liver transplant but with the advancement of medicine and treatment options, it is rare for a PBC patient to need a transplant (even at Stage 4).

Long term, things look good for me.  I will still have the difficulty of day-to-day pain and fatigue from the disease. Over the next week, I have a series of appointments with the chronic pain clinic which will help me with managing my pain through medicine and lifestyle management. (like the physical therapy I am currently doing)

All in all, we are so encouraged!  We are truly rejoicing in The Lord and are THANKFUL for the LIFE He has given me.

My life is but a weaving ..

My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I may choose the colors
But He knows what they should be.

For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side
While I see it….
Only on the underside.

Sometimes He weaveth sorrow
Which seemeth strange to me
But I will trust His judgment
And work on faithfully.

Tis He who fills the shuttle
For He knows what is best
And I shall weave in earnest
And leave with Him the rest.

At last when life has ended
With Him I shall abide
Then I may view the pattern
Upon the other side.

Then I shall know the reason why
Pain with joy entwined
Was woven in the fabric of life
That God designed.
The shuttles of His purpose move
To carry out His own design;
Seek not too soon to disapprove
His work, nor yet assign
Dark motives, when, with silent tread,
You view some somber fold;
For lo, within each darker thread
There twines a thread of gold.

Spin cheerfully,
Not tearfully,
He knows the way you plod; Spin carefully,
Spin prayerfully,
But leave the thread with God.

The Mountain Top by Abigail Miller

Peace in the Valley

"He maketh me to lie down in green pastures. He leadeth me beside still waters."


Just imagine...place yourself in this picture.


The grass is cool, the sky, a clear azure blue. Hear the birds flutter their wings.
Now, take a look over at the water. The sky is reflected in the the still, calm water...

Is there turmoil? No, there is a strange calm and peace. This morning, as I read my Bible, savoring The Word, The Lord brought this verse to my mind. You see, my body was full of pain but it didn't matter. No, pain was not my focus. Instead, He made me to "lie down in green pastures" and "led me beside the still waters". There was calm in my spirit and peace in my soul. The world stood still as I spent time in prayer and reading The Word. Although there was much to disturb me, pain, sickness, frustration, worry, none of it mattered because I was there, resting in those green pastures.


Oh, if I could, I would love to simply stay there. THERE, with Him. But, life beckons me on- there are things to be done, appointments, errands, household duties. And yet, my soul can still be at peace, for I have the comfort of the Shepherd along with me, still guiding, still comforting, still loving...and I can rest in Him.



"My soul wait thou only upon God... " Psalm 62:5

I Believe To See...

I Believe To See…

Someone once said that “Satan cannot use the tool of discouragement on the heart of a grateful man.” This world is so full of trails, disappointments and difficulties. If we focus on the problems, we miss the blessings (and there are SO many).

So today, I choose to look at the rays of sunlight…those special rays that God is giving to encourage us as we walk this road of life, if we simply look for them.

                   You know, we can usually find what we look for. :)

I Believe To See

 

This world is a place where we believe what we can see.

The tangible, the visible is what must really be.

But, He who would be wise must see with different eyes,

We live by faith, where miracles will come as no surprise.

I believe to see the goodness of the Lord.

I believe the promises He gave us in His Word.

I don't need to know the outcome of His plan.

I will trust His ways, though I can't see His hand.

We're looking for a city that's not made by human hands.

We're living for a purpose that so far exceeds our plans.

When trials take their toll beyond what we control,

We rest upon the Faithful One, the Keeper of our souls..

I believe to see the goodness of the Lord.

I believe the promises He gave us in His Word.

I don't need to know the outcome of His plan.

I will trust His ways, though I can't see His hand

© 2001-2010 Abigail Miller Ministries